Supporting Riders Who Apologize Frequently: Strategies for Instructors

Have you ever had a rider who REPEATEDLY says, “I’m sorry” during lessons, especially after receiving corrections? This type of behavior can stem from things like the instructor’s delivery to the rider’s anxiety or fear of failing to name a few. While the reasons behind the apologies may vary, they can impact the rider’s ability to focus on their progress and hinder their learning process.

As instructors, we want to create an environment where riders feel safe to make mistakes and learn without fear of judgment. Shifting the mindset of the apologetic rider can empower them to embrace learning, celebrate progress, and replace “I’m sorry” with “I’ve got this!”

With these thoughtful strategies, we can help these riders gain confidence and move past self-doubt.

1. Use Specific Praise

Specific praise is more meaningful and motivating than generalized statements because it demonstrates genuine appreciation for the rider’s efforts or progress. For instance:

• Instead of saying, “Good job,” try: “I love how you used your leg to support your horse for a clean transition—well done!” This approach helps riders feel seen and reinforces behaviors or skills you want them to continue practicing. Read more in my article “Stop Using Meaningless Words In Your Lessons“.

2. Utilize A Compliment Sandwich Approach

This method provides feedback in a positive, encouraging way: a compliment, a suggestion, and another compliment. Making the second compliment effort-based can help your rider maintain motivation.

• Example: “You did a great job planning that turn! Let’s try lifting your inside shoulder to balance more through your seat to support that turn. I love the effort you put in with your leg to encourage him through the turn—let’s do it one more time!” Starting and ending with positive statements helps riders see corrections as a natural part of the learning process and reduces feelings of self-doubt.

3. Reframe Corrections with Softer Language

Phrasing matters. Replace directives like “you need to” with collaborative or inclusive language, such as:

• “Let’s try this…”
• “How about we…?”
  Noticed how this was used in the complement sandwich example above? This approach fosters a sense of teamwork and eases pressure, helping the rider feel supported rather than judged.

4. Normalize and Celebrate Mistakes as Part of Growth

Mistakes are opportunities to learn, not failures. Reassure riders that everyone—including instructors—is constantly learning and improving. Frame corrections as progress by celebrating small successes:

• “I’m still learning new things all the time. That’s what keeps riding exciting!”
• “Great catch adjusting your leg there—noticing that means you’re learning to feel and correct things on your own!”
  This mindset helps riders shift from seeking perfection to valuing progress.

5. Foster Open Communication

Encourage riders to share their feelings, questions, or observations during lessons. Ask open-ended questions like:

• “How did that feel to you?”
• “If we do that again, what kind of adjustments would you want to make?”
  This not only helps riders feel heard but also develops their ability to self-assess and identify solutions—key skills for independent learning.

6. Express Confidence in Their Abilities

Remind your riders that learning is a journey, and adjustments are part of growth.

• “You’re doing a fantastic job learning these skills—it’s completely normal to make changes along the way!”
  By expressing your confidence, you help foster theirs, encouraging them to approach lessons with curiosity and resilience.

By implementing these strategies, you can empower riders to replace apologies with confidence, curiosity, and joy in their progress.

Do you have favorite approaches to make corrections feel positive and productive? I’d love to hear your ideas—share below!